The Gist - The Bats Awaken, Beat Cards

Rich is off to go get married or some shit. So you're stuck with me recapping what happened this past series. Expect 50% less effort, and 150% more cursing. Here we go!

What Happened: We won a fucking series again is what happened. Taking two of three from the Cardinals in St. Louis was a nice way to cap off a rather disappointing road trip. We went into a slump and yet we maintained the best record in baseball during the down period. I think we'll be fine.

After losing a heartbreaker Monday on a walk-off home run from noted trailer trash Randal Grichuk, the Cubs proceeded to curbstomp the Cardinals on Tuesday 12-3. They followed that up with a 9-8 squeaker on Wednesday. It appears the hot summer weather has heated the bats up again and they were certainly a welcome sight, especially on Wednesday when Arrieta was knocked around for four earned runs. Do you even remember the last time Jake gave up 4 earned runs in a regular season contest? Yeah I didn't either. Turns out it was June 16th last year. Now that he's got that out of the way I'm sure we'll have another 11 months before it happens again, right?

Series MVP: Pat Hughes and Ron Coomer. They're really in midseason form calling games. And we also learned a little about Shakespeare and Socrates as well!

Series LVP: Tommy LaStella. I don't care what you do, you'll never win my approval you son of a bitch.

Read This: If you don't read Deadspin much you may be missing out on these gems. They've been chronicling every Cardinal loss this season with a recap. It's the perfect satisfying little read for every person that reviles St. Louis, which unless you're a Cardinals fan I assume is everyone on the planet. Fuck this team.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):


Cubs begin a weekend series at home tomorrow against the Philadelphia Phillies. And before you go underestimating them as NL East doormats, go check the standings real quick. Yeah... They're 26-21 and only two games back of the Nats. This isn't a team to take lightly and their young pitching has proven to be quite tough. Their offense however can easily be squashed. The team's run differential right now is -31, which is the same as the Houston Astros. Stats are fun.

Here's to a three game sweep this weekend and a happy wedding for Rich and the poor lady that agreed to marry that shithead.