2016 NBA Playoff Preview: Eastern Conference

As you may have noticed, we have fallen into a rut of previewing things and recapping games. To break that cycle, I've decided to...preview the 2016 NBA Playoffs. What? You don't like the NBA? You prefer the low scoring and sloppy play of the NCAA tournament? Well, as they say on TV, go watch fucking hockey then. Here's Part 1:

The East

So the NBA's Eastern Conference wasn't a tire fire this year. I believe this might be the first time since the Nixon administration that they haven't sent a below .500 team to the playoffs. You'll probably notice the Bulls aren't listed here. That "let's fire one of the best coaches in the game and replace him with a college guy that used to play here" thing didn't work out. The Bullets aren't here either, but that's because they are the Wizards now and stunk this season.

1. Cleveland Cavaliers - This is easily the worst good team I've ever seen. Lebron hates everyone and seems to regret going back to Clevland, They don't really run an offense. They fired David Blatt and replaced him with a towel rack. Nevertheless, Lebron James was able to drag this team's reality TV show carcass over the finish line to the #1 seed and they're the favorites to come out of the east.

2. Toronto Raptors - Toronto has been a growing power in the east for a few years now, but no one notices because they're never on TV. They're really the only legit threat to Cleveland in the conference, but may require another year of playoff failure to get over the hump.

3. Atlanta Hawks - Nope.

4. Boston Celtics - The Celtics got good way ahead of schedule this year and the casual fan can't name anyone on the team, so that means they will probably collapse next season (see Milwaukee). They aren't good enough to make a run at Cleveland or Toronto, but it's probably good for the league to have them competitive again.

5. Miami Heat - Getting the 5th seed is pretty impressive considering Chris Bosh spends most of his time these days playing golf with Arnold Palmer, Kevin Nealon, and NASCAR Guy. BTW, Dwyane Wade just flopped.

6. Charlotte Hornets - That Crying Jordan meme is really stupid. Also, Jeremy Lin looks like this now. I wish him the best during his transition. Every year the league buries one of its truly awful playoff series somewhere no one will see it. Congrats Hawks/Hornets, you get to be on NBA3.tv.ru/watchlive this year.

7. Indiana Pacers - Did I already use the "Nope." joke? Shit. I get bored even seeing the Pacers name. At least suicidal Roy Hibbert isn't there anymore. The sooner Toronto dispatches them the better.

8. Detroit Pistons - Is the best name on the Pistons' roster Spencer Dinwiddie or Kentavious Caldwell-Pope? Vote in our comment section.

The 2016 Eastern Conference Champion will be...the Cleveland Cavaliers. Lebron James isn't the best player in the league anymore (spoiler: it's Steph Curry), but he's still the best player in the East by a lot. Even with the dysfunction, he'll still be able to secure them the honor of getting killed by Golden State or San Antonio in the Finals.