Thunder Matts Saloon: A Primer

Holy shit, can we make up our minds? Please?

Like an extravagant, fiery phoenix, Thunder Matt's Saloon is open.Yes. We're back. Again. Jesus, how did this happen?

"What, you think I know?"

For those of you who are new around here (or just don't remember the last time we were around), Thunder Matt's Saloon is like the Mike Holmgren Coaching Tree. There were a lot of spinoffs, some more successful than others. If the words Pomp Culture, Steve Finley Was Here and Terrible Cubs Fan mean anything to you, you should be right at home with this new relaunch.

As for the rest of you, I'm here to help. Over the years of TMS being open in one form or another, we've strung enough coherent thoughts together (barely) to have a few semi-regular features. This primer is to catch all of you non-regulars up on what you can expect to see when we aren't complaining about the Cubs bullpen and how much we still hate Neifi Perez.

• One of our favorite features around here is War Hero/War Criminal, where we slap one of those two labels on something we encounter in everyday life. For example, in the past we've named Baron Davis and Mark Grace as War Heroes. One the flipside of that coin, we've slapped the label of War Criminal on the following: getting hit in the nuts, geese, cilantro.
• Overrated/Underrated attempts to give an accurate rating to something that probably doesn't deserve to have more than 10 words written about it. Overrated: Being tired (take a nap, asshole). Underrated: Randy Quaid, cash. We had a miniature firestorm on the site a few years ago due to Overrated/Underrated: Condiments Edition.
• The Wrigleyville Bar Project will tell you where to drink and where to find the douchiest of all douchebags around Wrigley Field.
• Did I mention we have occasional celebrity bloggers stop by? Everyone from Ron Burgundy to Huell Howser have stopped by the saloon from time to time. And being incarcerated has never stopped TMS special correspondent OJ Simpson from checking in every few weeks with his own column, OJ Simpson's Low Down Dirty Shame.

As you'll notice, the entire crew isn't back. Some bartenders have graduated, like LB, who moved on to the now defunct Unprofessional Foul and currently is a soccer bigwig at ESPN. John is doing his own thing at Wasting Away In Wrigleyville. So for now, it's just me and Jake, the Terrible Cubs Fan (previously known as Chip Wesley).

Like the header says, the Cubs coverage will exist, but it'll probably be spotty at best. If nothing else, you can always stop by for a quick Jeremy Piven Career Status check.