GFY Specialty Reserved Parking Spots!
Remember when "Parking for Cub Fans Only" signs were just for your garage? Not today, in which Specialty Reserved Parking Spots are showing up in your grocery, electronic, and even pet store parking lots. Look, I can get on board with the handicapped spot. It makes sense. Maybe the driver has a burning case of hemorrhoids and shouldn't be walking across a crowded mall parking lot. Sure, put them next to the front door. But now I'm starting to see all new reserved spots popping up like like cougars backstage at a Ratt concert.
For Expecting and New Moms Only. For Multiple Children Families Only. For Commuters Only. For Hybrid Cars Only. For Pet Owners Only.
WTF?!? Seriously, why do these a-holes deserve premium parking any more than you or I? And who decided it was a good idea to start this? You know who it was? The guy whose job it is to engineer parking lots and had a real bitch of a wife. Everyday he would come home from his hard day of work plotting out lines, deciding where to put lights and security cameras, and then while he's relaxing in his La-Z Boy, watching the Cubs and drinking a Löwenbräu his wife steps in front of the TV and opens her pie-hole.
"You know what I had to do today?" she shrieks. "I had to walk 30 feet to get to Pier One with little Billy and Jan in my high heels. You make parking lots for a living, why don't you do something about this?"
Everyday he comes home from work, and everyday it's the same bitching and complaining. Until finally he snaps and decides, hey, if I make a spot specifically for my bitchy wife, I won't have to hear this shit anymore. So it was born out of sheer laziness and now like a cancer, everyone thinks they are special and needs their own spot right next to the store's front door too. I seriously cannot park anywhere near the front of the store I need to get into. Even when the first 14 spots are completely empty because apparently there are no pregnant women at the liquor store or hybrid owners at the auto parts dealer, I have to park a mile away just to run into the store for some chewing gum.
So I plead with you America, either we get rid of these worthless reserved parking spots, or we make it so every spot is reserved for something. Why not have a single's only parking spot? Even better, alternate between single guys and single women, that way when you park in your "Single's Only" spot, you know the hot girl parking next to you is available and you won't feel like a creep if you talk to her. Let's make spots for drunks as well? We don't want them driving all over the parking lot, shit faced and prone to hitting innocent bystanders. And don't forget about the bird lover's. They need their own spot too. You could even go as far as to segregate the parking lots. Make special spots for Blacks, Indians, Mexicans and White people. Why not religion while were at it? "Reserved For God's Chosen Only".
See how stupid it all is? So do what I do: when you pull up in your 1985 Chevy S10, park right in that "Hybrid Only" parking spot. What's the worse that could happen, the parking police come and give you a "citation"? And if anyone gives you shit, tell them to go fuck themselves!
Go Cubs!
Welcome
Welcome to Thunder Matt's Saloon, where the beer is warm and the coverage is sketchy.Contact Us
thundermatts@gmail.com
Archives
-
▼
2009
(498)
-
▼
August
(64)
- Killer Peanuts: Proving One More Time A Black Man ...
- You Make the Call
- TMS No Longer Supports Oasis
- 5 Things That Didn't Always Suck But Do Now
- SPAM Alert
- The Intern Soapbox
- Battle of Who Could Care Less: Cubs vs. Mets
- TMS Booze Project: Gentleman Jack
- Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me, Guess I'll Go...
- My Sad Little Life: A Recap
- Thunderwatch 2009: Murton Released into the Wild
- Glenallen Hill: 2009 Battle Royale Champion!
- Spare Some Change? GFY!
- Thunderwatch 2009: Murton Back in Bigs
- Movies I’m Not Looking Forward To
- Release The Meatheads!
- TMS Music: The Guilty Razors-Guilty!
- Cubs of Yore Battle Royale: The Final Battle
- Cubs of Yore: Double Dipping to the Finals
- Reduced Sugar Cereals & Why The Future Is Bleak
- Koyie Hill Appreciation Society: 41 Hits & Counting
- TMS Roundtable: Ghostbusters.
- TMS 2009 Fantasy Football Player Rankings: IDP Edi...
- Hey Cub Fans, Try Not Giving A F&%K
- The Most Hated Man in Professional Sports
- War Criminal: Draft Bonuses
- TMS Endorses Angel Guzman
- TMS 2009 Fantasy Football Player Rankings
- Ginger Russ Drunkblog: It's Teds Day
- Summer Games: Yogging
- GFY August 17th!
- TMS Movie Review: The Warrior
- Back To School...
- TMS Premier League Preview 2009
- TMS Booze Project: Prestige Edition Whiskey
- Underrated: Working at Home
- The Pynchon Project: Mason & Dixon
- The Bachelor Diet
- Fulfilling the Esoterica Quotient: A look at Tubul...
- Hump Day Hottie: Brooklyn Decker
- Americas Gay Cowboy Sweethearts Divorce
- Cubs of Yore: The "Marginal" Edition
- Did You Know?
- "Wrigleyville" Bar Project: Richard's
- Wednesday Will Start The Real Shark Weak
- Bachelor Night with the Cubs
- R.I.P. Arena Football League 1987-2009
- TMS Beer Project: Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Ale
- The Expendables vs. Machete: Greatest Movie Ever Made
- Kubs LIVE! From The Kremlin (Delayed Broadcast)
- TMS Beer Project: Dos Equis Amber
- War Criminal: 2009 Cubs Named Aaron
- Cubs of Yore: Doug Dascenzo
- TMS Fantasy Football 2009 Rankings: Quarterback
- I Can't Drive 25
- Koyie Hill Appreciation Society: 32 Hits & Counting
- Summer Games: Makeout Point
- Wrigleyville Bar Project: Trinity
- TMS Booze Project: 1792
- War Criminal: Specialty Reserved Parking Spots
- I'm Sorry Milton: I Meant to Say "Massive Disappoi...
- Dude, You're NOT Horrible
- Dude, You're Horrible
- Shark Week Returns!
-
▼
August
(64)
Search This Blog
Powered by Blogger.
Labels
- 2016 MLB Team Previews
- Abe Vigoda
- Adam Blank
- Albums of the Week
- All-80's Team
- All-90's Team
- All-Star Game
- American Idol
- Andy White
- Announcers
- Anthony Rizzo
- Arcturus
- Arizona Cardinals
- Baby Hack
- Bad Moves
- Ballpark Reviews
- Baltimore Orioles
- Bar Crawl
- Bartender Banter
- Baseball
- Baseball Postseason
- Best of 2008
- Best of 2009
- Best of 2017
- Books
- Booze
- Brant Brown
- Brant's Rant
- Breaking News
- Bryan LaHair
- Bud Norris
- Carlos Marmol
- Celebrity NFL Picks
- Chaim Witz
- Chaiming In
- Charity
- Chi-Town Girl
- Chicago Bears
- Chicago Blackhawks
- Chicago Bulls
- Chicago Cubs
- Chicago White Sox
- Childhood Favorites
- Chip Wesley
- Christmas
- Cleveland Indians
- Colin Cowherd Project
- College Basketball
- College Football
- Cub Legends
- Cubs of Yore
- Cubs of Yore Battle Royale
- Cubs/Cardinals
- Death League 2008
- Death League 2009
- Denver Broncos
- Destined to Fail
- Drunkblog
- E-Claire
- Entertainment
- ESPN
- Eulogies
- Fantasy Hurricane League
- Fantasy Sports
- Fernando's Musings
- Food and Drink
- Football
- From the TMS Vault
- Game of Thrones
- Game Photos
- Ginger Russ
- Governor X
- Governor's Press Conference
- Gracies and Neifis
- Huell Howser
- Hugh Jackman
- Impotence Rankings
- In Defense Of...
- Iowa Hawkeyes
- Iron Maiden vs.
- Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan
- Jeremy Piven Career Status
- Kerry Wood
- KISS
- Kollege Kegger
- Koyie Hill Appreciation Society
- Kyle Schwarber
- Lingering Bursitis
- Link Bulimia
- Los Angeles Dodgers
- Lost Diary
- Martin Gramatica
- Mel Gibson
- Milwaukee Brewers
- Minor Leagues
- MLB
- MLB Preview 2007
- MLB Preview 2008
- MLB Preview 2009
- Monday Afternoon Hangover
- Movie Minute
- Movies
- Mr. Funk
- Muldoon
- Music
- Mustaches
- NBA
- NES Baseball Rankings
- NES Reviews
- NFL
- NHL
- NLCS
- Nonsense
- Nud Borris
- Oakland A's
- OJ Simpson
- Old Dudes
- Ombudsman
- Opening Day
- Other Sports
- Overrated/Underrated
- Peyton Manning Sucks
- Phillies
- Politics
- Pomp Culture Era
- Pompous or Not Pompous?
- Pop Culture Gauntlet
- Quevedo's Quorner
- Realm of Red
- Rich
- Rocco Life Status
- Rockies
- Ronald McDonald
- San Diego Padres
- Signings and Trades
- Soccer
- Social Commentary
- Soros
- Sports
- Starlin Castro
- Summer Games
- Surrounded By Communists
- Taxes
- Tecmo
- Television
- The 1979 Files
- The Gist
- The Hundley
- The TMS Guide to
- This Is An Irresponsible Use of Time
- Thunder Matt Murton
- Thunder Matt's Bat Odyssey
- Thunder Matthew's Pub
- Thunderfist/Minifist
- Thunderwatch 2008
- Thunderwatch 2009
- TMS 10 Years
- TMS 30
- TMS Beer Project
- TMS Booze Project
- TMS Improv
- TMS Intern
- TMS Investigates
- TMS Late Night
- TMS Man of the Year
- TMS Most Wanted
- TMS Oral History
- TMS Press Release
- TMS Radio
- TMS Request Line
- TMS Vacation
- Tommy Buzanis
- Top 10
- Top Five
- UNI Panthers
- Unicorn George Brett
- Utah Jazz
- video games
- War Criminal
- War Hero
- Washington Nationals
- Weekend Roundup
- White Chili
- Why Did We Do This
- Wolter
- World Series
- Wrigley Roundtable
- Wrigleyville Bar Project
- WTFATG
- You Make the Call
Popular Posts
-
Thunder Matt's Trophy Room honors all those, that have felt the wrath of Murton's mighty bat. I have to say that I couldn't have...
-
I've tried really hard to keep politics away from TMS, lest we turn into the next Deadgawkerspin, but god damn it, we have a new first f...
-
If you follow Elmhurst College baseball as I do, you'll know its time for Coach Joel Southern to go. The team has completely collapsed a...
0 comments:
Post a Comment