TMS Booze Project: Taaka Vodka

I always felt like an outsider when I'd read one of the TMS Beer Project reviews. Although I sometimes drink beer and even enjoy it on occasion, it's usually something I resort to only when every other beverage has been consumed. Being a saloon, I decided to spotlight my preferred vessel for inebriation: hard liquor. Without further adieu, I bring you the TMS Booze Project: Taaka Vodka edition...


Taaka Vodka

Distillery: Sazerac Co., Frankfurt KY

Type: "Genuine" Vodka

Receptacle: 750ml glass bottle (also known as a "fifth" for all you rookies out there)

Drinkability (1 being Jim Jones' kool-aid, 10 being the nectar of the gods): 2. This vodka was the cheapest liquor I could find at my corner liquor store. Unfortunately, their is a direct correlation between the taste and the prince. Whereas good vodka is nearly flavorless and smooth, Taaka has a sharp, acidic taste. I've never drank urine, but I would imagine that this is how the urine of somebody who drank an entire bottle of Kettle One would taste.

Heartiness (1 being fresh mountain spring water, 10 being a pureed British steak infected with mad cow disease): 8, but remember: Vodka is supposed to be more like mountain spring water than steak. Taaka is sickeningly sweet and slightly minty. If somebody would have given me Taaka in a blind taste test, I might have guessed it were cheap gin.

Intoxication (1 being your friend's weird pentecostal grandmother high on Jesus, 10 being Boris Yeltsin on a week long bender in the Crimea): 7, Its pretty standard at 80 proof, but the low quality tricked my brain into thinking it was much higher than that. The first few shots were atrocious, but after the cheap grain alcohol started eating away at my taste buds, I had no problem doing shots of this awful stuff. The resulting hangover felt more like a whiskey hangover than a vodka hangover.

Celebrities You May See Drinking This Spirit: Courtney Love, Shia LaBeouf, Vince Neil, whatever band is headlining the county fair

Affordability ($ being chicklets in Tijuana, $$$$ being diamond encrusted braised lamb shank from a trendy cafe on the Champs d'Elysee): $. Ounce for ounce, there are probably cheaper liquors out there. However, you'd have to get into 1.75 liter plastic jug territory and I'm not willing to cross that line just yet. For a fifth of vodka in a glass bottle, you just can't get cheaper than Taaka. I paid $4.99 for it; although it was a dollar off it's usual price of $5.99. Since the bottle holds roughly 25 ounces, and each shot is 1.5 ounces, that means each shot of vodka cost me about 30 cents. The extra 'a' in Taaka is for affordability.