War Hero: 5 Hour Energy

I've never been a fan of Red Bull or any of the other energy drinks on the market. That is, unless they're mixed with booze. In that case, more Red Bull please. I began to ask myself, there has to be a product out there somewhere that gives me at least a quarter of my annual intake of vitamin B12 and fits in my pocket...but where?

Look no further.

5 hour energy is a 2oz combination of niacin, 40 mg of B6, 8333% of your recommended daily dosage of B12, and a host of other things. It only has the caffeine of one cup of coffee and it's safe for diabetics! Just like flying in planes!

Their website has a list of times when it's particularly useful to take this stuff:

Morning
After Lunch
Workouts
Sports
Travel
Weekends/Vacation

They have a particularly interesting quote about using the stuff to workout:

Many go to the gym and push it until the pain convinces them to call it quits. This is the point where a natural and healthy boost like caffeine can take it to the next level.

Maybe it's just me but when I'm working out and I start to feel pain, I stop. In fact, when I do anything and I start to feel pain I typically stop that thing I'm doing. Osi Umenyiora disagrees with me.

This stuff got me through a sleepless stretch of 48 hours in Vegas. Sure near the end of that trip I was dehydrated and would routinely twitch myself awake but that's probably standard operating procedure after taking in roughly 50000% of my daily allowance of B12 in a matter of days. I won't be sick for years. I am, however, a little concerned that in about 10 years I'll be sitting around watching my stories on daytime television and the commercials will be littered with ambulance-chasing legal jockeys asking if I or any of my immediate family members have suffered the horrible effects of 5 hour energy.

They claim that this product doesn't have the "crash effect" that some of the other leading brand of energy drinks leave you with. Here are their "clinical survey" results:


Here are the results of an equally scientific survey that I just performed:






After doing a little homework, I discovered that they're producing a new EXTRA STRENGTH 5 hour energy. This stuff has 25% more niacin, practically ensuring that you'll experience a "niacin flush" that they warn about on the label. Apparently it's perfectly safe but you may experience a warm sensation all over your body as your skin temporarily turns a slight shade of red. Seems normal to me.

Who knows what they'll come up with next?