The Gist: Game #3

Cubs: 11, Hateful Texans: 6

Wow. The Cubs' offense hit the ground running today. To give you an idea of just how potent they were at the onset of the game:

• Ted Lilly put on a batting helmet before he picked up a rosin bag.
• Alfonso Soriano led off the 1st, 2nd, AND 3rd innings.
• Brian Moehler was knocked out by the second inning. His current ERA? 37.80. WHIP? 5.4. Schadenfreude? Tons.
• Fontenot continued to prove jerks like me wrong about him by unleashing a 3-run dong.
  
• After two, it was 8-0 Cubs.
  

In fact, I started to zone out until Keppinger and Berkman had back to back homeruns in the 3rd. Of course, I wrote that off as no big deal. Then friggin' Ivan Rodriguez (I refuse to call him Pudge and I will forgive Will F@&#ing Clark before I root for him) knocked in two with a ball that probably landed in Oklahoma. Still it was 8-4. And then Aramis (we're on a first name basis) knocked a number off the scoreboard with a two RBI double. 10-4.

Two random solo homeruns from Hazmat Sui and that mouthbreathing freak Hunter Pence brought the 'stros within striking distance. But Kosuke Fukodome (who apparently was channeling his April 2008 self by going 4-5 with a BB) made a solo jack of his own, to make it 11-6.

Angel Guzman (holy crap, he's actually playing for the Cubs?) finished the game up competently.

I don't know if I want to watch another Cubs game where 5 homeruns are given up any time soon, but at least our offense is nails right now. The Cubs are taking their traveling show to Milwaukee next, where hopefully they can stamp out the silly Wisconsinite notion that they are our division rivals.