Childhood Favorites: Weird Science

A couple weeks ago it was revealed that my spouse had never seen the Anthony Michael Hall vehicle, 'Weird Science'. Having not seen it myself in over 15 years, I thought it would be a great opportunity to revisit one of my favorite movies as a kid. Unfortunately, some things are better left dead.

There's a reason you don't see 'Weird Science' in the TNT rotation along with 'Road House' and 'Teen Wolf'. I'm not sure that I can confidently explain what that reason is, but suffice it to say that this is not the masterpiece you might remember. I'm not even talking about the far-fetched premise of creating a smoking-hot woman out of a 1985 computer. That may have been the most believable aspect of the film. The missile that randomly spouts from the foundation of the house during the climactic party scene? Bill Paxton being turned into a poor man's Jabba the Hut? The fact that this movie starred a one Ilan Mitchell-Smith? You'll remember him as the nerd that wasn't Anthony Michael Hall. He gave up acting in 1991 and is now an assistant professor of English at Angelo State University. That was probably a wise move.

Despite the presence of Robert Downey Jr. in the early throes of substance abuse, and one scene at a blues bar where the boys reminisce about "great big titties" with their elder African American statesmen, this movie offered nothing. Bras on their heads? The random motorcycle gang that crashes the party? Again, the missile? State of the art mid-'80s computer graphics? Ilian Mitchell-Smith walking around in women's underwear?

All in all, 'Weird Science' gave us very few laughs. The wife pretty much sat through it stone-faced as I tried in vain to make excuses. It did not prove to be the quintessential '80s film that I remembered, and was probably one of the worst John Hughes flicks. The lesson? Don't blindly pledge allegiance to movies from your childhood. Well, except maybe 'Flight of the Navigator'.