Brant's Rant

The Nebraska Safe Haven Law: Legislators in Nebraska are poised to alter the definition of "children" in their safe haven law to those under 30 days of age. The only vocal opposition to the revised bill is Nebraska resident and musician Conor Oberst, who views abandoned teenagers as potential members of his fanbase. Get over yourself Conor Oberst.

The arbitrary use of technology in film: The last two movies I've seen in the theater have been Quantum of Solace and The Dark Knight. Each is obviously the second act in a "re-branded" franchise, both being a degree darker in material than its predecessor. Naturally they're action movies, so viewers are subjected to the same tightly filmed fight and chase sequences that directors have seemed to salivate over in recent years. I'll spare you my frustrations on those. What I really have qualms with are the computer-generated technology scenes where a crapload of nonsensical CGI shit flies around the room.

My two examples here are the scene in which Daniel Craig and other MI6 members walk into a white room and one agent starts moving his hands around a table, as pictures and information concerning different criminals jerk and sweep to and fro. Basically, it's like the guy with the hand-operated map on CNN's election coverage combined with the shitty CNN holograms. Except faster, and with British accents. In The Dark Knight, the same thing occurred when Morgan Freeman was monitoring cell phone conversations, just a lot of random shit happening and you couldn't make heads or tails of what they were showing, much less its significance.

The problem is that while this shit is distracting your eyes, the characters are usually saying something fairly important, and you can't make heads or tails of what is going on. In my opinion, the fancy flying graphics really take away from the dialogue. They really add nothing to the proceedings, and are clearly incorporated "just because". I long for the days of simpler technology, like in Jurassic Park. Overwhelm me with something large and meaningful, not random and insignificant distractions.

Movie Theaters in General: There are so many things that make a visit to the multiplex so fucking unenjoyable: sold out shows days in advance, assholes saving seats, people that neglect the pleas to turn off your fucking cell phone, jerkoffs that talk back to the screen and pound their fists on the armrests. I thought I had witnessed it all, until I happened to get stuck sitting behind a guy that was eating a fucking hot dog! A fucking hot dog in a movie theater! It smelled like shit and wafted right into my face! What the hell kind of society do we live in where popcorn and candy fail to satiate these fat assholes! You really need a hot dog in closed quarters you inconsiderate shit? I'm swearing off movie theaters. The large screen and enhanced audio don't make up for all the other bullshit.

Kenny Mayne: This guy still has a job? Alright, I appreciate the wit and sarcasm more than anyone. But if you're no longer an anchor, and you don't commentate games or provide studio analysis, why are you still with ESPN? You come out of hiding once a year and cover the Kentucky Derby. Maybe that's your niche, that's fine, but these little videos you have now? Not funny in the least. Hey, I appreciate your ability to milk the ESPN juggernaut for all the cash they're worth. Dancing with the Stars though? Really? If you have no shame, that's cool. Want to write more books? That's fine. Kenny, I'm just saying that you should branch off and aspire to something greater than web videos for ESPN. Didn't they learn their lesson with the Bill Simmons video cartoons? Good Lord, Kenny Mayne, Bill Simmons, and Colin Cowherd? How far has ESPN fallen?