Monday Afternoon Hangover: Week 7

Back for the 2008 NFL season, it's the Monday Afternoon Hangover. We'll be recapping all the action from this weekend in the NFL, so pop a couple Excedrin and fight off those beer shits as we get things underway.

Special thanks to Daft Funk for taking over the Hangover duties for me that past few weeks. It was refreshing to have someone new in there that actually watches these games. But alas, you're now subjected to my horribly vague and pointless recaps once more.

Buffalo 23
San Diego 14
Philip Rivers turns the ball over 3 times and helps the Chargers drop back below .500. Did I pick these a-holes to win the Super Bowl? Jesus, my predictions are about as detrimental to a team's chances as the Madden Cover Curse.

Carolina 30

New Orleans 7

The Saints can't buy a break when it comes to staying healthy. They've already been without Marques Colston for a while, Jeremy Shockey came back from a sports hernia only to have possibly injured something again, and now Reggie Bush is out 3-4 weeks with knee problems. At 3-4, New Orleans finds themselves in the bottom of the NFC South, struggling to keep this ship afloat (and healthy).

Chicago 48

Minnesota 41

I don't know what to think of this game. 48 points is the most any Bears team has scored since the Ditka days, but giving up 41 to Gus Frerotte and company doesn't sit well, especially when Gus was atrocious and threw 4 picks. Kyle Orton once again looked decent enough for us to forget about the Rex Grossman era for the time being.

Pittsburgh 38

Cincinnati 10

Willie Parker Rashard Mendenhall Mewelde Moore (remember him?) shined for the Steelers as he ran for 120 yards and 2 touchdowns. Is there a bigger trainwreck of a team right now than the Bengals? Now they have Cedric Benson running for them. Insert Bengals/criminal record joke here.

Tennessee 34

Kansas City 10

The Titans are 6-0 now. How did this happen? The Chiefs apparently didn't think tackling the opposing running backs was necessary. Chris Johnson had 168 yards rushing to go along with LenDale White's 149. With a bruising run game, and solid defense, Kerry Collins just has to worry about not making any huge mistakes. That and staying sober.

Baltimore 27

Miami 13

Terrell Suggs and Ray Lewis tormented the Miami offense all day as the Ravens harpooned the Dolphins. Willis McGahee had his first 100 yard rushing game of the season. I'd go on but you've already jumped to the next game out of sheer disinterest.

N.Y. Giants 29

San Francisco 17

Turnovers and sacks were the name of the game as the Giants D dominated the Niners for four quarters. Eli Manning once again did a good job of doing nothing spectacular, further cementing his place as the most overrated quarterback in football.

St. Louis 34

Dallas 14

Methusaleh Johnson filled in for Tony Romo and Tony Romo's broken pinky and the Rams D had a field day against him, sacking him 3 times and picking him off 3 times as well. Steven Jackson had his best game of the season, rushing for 165 yards with 3 touchdowns. With their second straight win the Rams move to 2-4 and take sole possession of second place in the NFC West. Look out Arizona, St. Louis is slowly limping after you!

Houston 28

Detroit 21

This game really wasn't as close as it seemed. Detroit managed to put up 11 fourth quarter points to pull within a touchdown before losing. The Texans offense controlled the tempo, holding on to the ball for over 40 minutes of the game. My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Green Bay 34

Indianapolis 14

Looking at the receiving stats in the box score, one would be hard-pressed to notice Brett Favre's absence from the Packers. Aaron Rodgers, like his predecessor, seems to have a knack for spreading the ball around as he completed passes with 8 different players this week. Also Peyton Manning is a douche.

Oakland 16

N.Y. Jets 13

This overtime thriller ended with a 57 yard field goal from Jeff Jaeger. Blair Thomas had 159 yards rushing for the Jets but Brad Baxter scored their only touchdown. The Raiders scored their lone touchdown on a Jay Schroeder pass to Mervyn Fernandez. I was really surprised that Bo Jackson was held under 100 yards.

What? Oh, um who really cares what happened in this game?

Washington 14

Cleveland 11

Clinton Portis has been a beast this season. He racked up 175 yards against Cleveland, giving him 4 straight 100 yard games. He's currently on pace to rush for over 1800 yards. Derek Anderson had yet another miserable game. The Brady Quinn Era draws nigh.

Tampa Bay 20

Seattle 10

I don't know exactly when my hatred of the Seahawks began. Perhaps it's when they continued to cry about being wronged by the refs in the Super Bowl. Maybe it's that I've never liked Mike Holmgren. Either way, watching them struggle mightily has been a real treat for me this season. Between them, the Rams and Niners, it's as if they're just handing the division title to the Cardinals. Arizona really has to F things up to lose it at this point.

The Golden Nutcup Team
Wear it with pride fellas!

QB - Kyle Orton, CHI (283 yards, 2 TD)
RB - Steven Jackson, STL (160 yards rushing, 3 TD)
WR - Calvin Johnson, DET (2 catches, 154 rec yards, 96 yard TD)
WR - Andre Johnson, HOU (11 catches, 141 rec yards)
TE - Owen Daniels, HOU (6 catches, 66 rec yards, 2 TD)
DEF - N.Y. Giants (6 sacks, 1 safety, 2 interceptions, 1 fumble recovery)


The Flaming Bag Team
Cuz poop is funny!

QB - Brett Favre, GB (197 yards, 0 TD, 2 INT)
RB - Ronnie Brown, MIA (27 yards rushing)
WR - Jerricho Cotchery, NYJ (1 catch, 0 rec yards)
WR - Marvin Harrison, IND (2 catches, 11 rec yards)
TE - Vernon Davis, SF (1 catch, 5 rec yards)
DEF - Cincinnati (38 points allowed, no sacks, interceptions, forced fumbles, fumble recoveries, nothing)

Monday Night Prediction:

I know the Patriots have struggled and Denver typically owns them, but I just have this feeling that New England pulls this one out at home tonight. New England (-3) over Denver.