Dearly Beloved,Today we are gather once again for our weekly burials. This week however our time together is more personal. For today we bury the hopes and dreams of an entire city. A city that has inspired hope, been audacious enough to dream, yet has been prematurely taken from us.
So today we say farewell to the city of Chicago, its wind and its blues, its Sears Tower and its pizza. May the Great Creator Doubleday create a special place in the hereafter for those tormented by its loss. Hearts now hang heavy holding hollow hopes.
So before we send these poor underachieving souls to the afterlife, a few words:
To the 2008 Milwaukee Brewers: You hung your chances on your newest savior. Unfortunately, no amount of bratwurst and cheese can sustain your journey to higher glory, even if your main power source is no longer carnivorous. May you rest in peace.
To the 2008 Anahiem Angels of Los Angeles California: You were the most primed for glory, having the most chips to your name. One day you might find a way around your rival, but for the last score and two years, it is has been one slaughter after another. We pray that your memories live to fight and be victorious on another day. Today however, may you rest in peace.
To the 2008 Chicago White Sox: You survived a gauntlet only to fold like paper tigers early in your quest. Although you were probably belittled by your explosive leader, we pray, may you rest in peace.
To the 2008 Chicago Cubs: What else can be said that has not been said before? For yours is among the most sensitive of situations, a corpse too fragile to bury, but with a will and temperment forged of 100 years of iron and might.
So therefore we feel it best to read from the first book of Grace, chapter 10, verse 20-08.
100 years of curses
Billy goats and Bartmans
We have watched it all
in run-down apartments
Years ago we would laugh
When Harry mispronounced a name.
Now we just want those lovable Cubbies
to win the damn game
Now we are too sad to drink
Thinking about the Sorianos, Lees, and Sweet Lous
Like the great Willie Brown may have sang,
"We are just a sad man down with the Cubbie blues."
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