Overrated: Being Tired

When did the entire country become narcoleptic?

If I went around to 10 people at work right now and asked "Hey, how are you doing?" chances are at least 9 of them would say "I'm tired." Apparently, being tired is the new black. It's the go-to answer for the working class.

Let me take a moment and say that this rant is not directed toward people that are legitimately tired. Just had a baby and it keeps you up at night? That's a real tired. Having trouble sleeping? You're excused. Accidentally do too much blow? Who hasn't been there?

No, I'm talking about these bastards that brag about being tired as if it's a badge of honor. They think that by telling you and everyone else in earshot that they're more tired than you are, that means that clearly they work harder than you do for longer than you do. You got 6 hours of sleep last night? He got 4. You need a cup of coffee in the morning to get you going? He's had 3 shots of espresso and 2 Red Bulls by the time he rolls in to work.

Now there may be some people that will use "I'm tired" as a way to escape a conversation they don't want to have. But if that's the motivation, there are more than enough excuses to use than going the non-sleep route. If you need some help, the following responses will all work when you're asked how you are doing:

• "Gassy."
• "Fan-Fuckin'-Tastic."
• "Sore from spending the night with your mother."

The most effective response? "I can't talk right now. I'm really busy working." Not only will you end the conversation, but you'll make the person asking you feel bad for not working.

But let's get back to these tired douchebags. If you're really that tired, you wouldn't have the energy to talk about how tired you are all the time, would you, Johnny Asshole? And if you really do spend so much more time than I do at work every single day, doesn't that mean that you're so poor at doing your job that you have to work harder and longer than anyone else just to keep things at an even keel?

No one cares if you're tired. No one cares how many Starbucks trips you have to make to get through the day. No one gives a rat's ass that you're going to have to pull an all-nighter to get your big project done. I'll be in bed by eleven because I didn't wait until the last minute to get my shit done.