The Gist: Game 46

Chris Sampson can go straight to hell. You almost have to respect the way this guy keeps the Cub offense in check though every time we face him. And we always face him. We miss the Roy Oswalts and the Brandon Webbs of the world, and then totally get worked over by journeymen and rookies. Screw the goat nonsense, this is the Cubs curse.

Despite being mastered by guys like Sampson, the Cubs staff does a fantastic job of keeping the best hitters in the game in check game after game. Berkman was "Zac Efron hot" going into the series, but we've held him to a solitary hit in two games. I know they've been talking about the imminent injuries from maple bats shattering at a tremendous rate, but Berkman swung and let go of his bat on no less than two occasions tonight. He nearly decapitated Carlos Lee in the on-deck circle with one of his tosses (not that that would have been a bad thing). Still, as Aerosmith would say, get a grip dickhead. Talk is cheap, shut up and dance. Lance.

Dempster has had a damn good start to the season, and he really only let one inning get away from him tonight. The grand slam from Hunter Pence, he of the appropriately Astro-ish first name, was our undoing. But the bullpen kept the rest of the game in check, including the debut of rough-'n-tumble Jose Ascanio. Ultimately the boys just couldn't string together the hits, save for Ramirez's second homer in two nights.

The Preparation H "Asshole of the Game":
Jim Edmonds. 0 for 3 with a walk. Again we emphasize: Asshole.