News broke out yesterday of a Calgary Vipers player that was traded to the Laredo Broncos of the United League. Normally trades in the independent leagues don't make the news, but former Viper John Odom was traded to Laredo for 10 bats.
That's it. 10 baseball bats.
The best part of the story was the reaction of the Bronco's GM:
"They just wanted some bats, good bats - maple bats," Broncos general manager Jose Melendez said.
Maybe this was just the first step in something bigger. They trade this dude for 10 bats, trade each bat for a midget, trade each midget for 3 lawnmowers, etc until they turn one career minor leaguer into a date with Bret Michaels or something. Hey, if you can turn a paperclip into a house, anything is possible.
That got me thinking of what you could get for other MLB players in a trade that didn't involve other players. I tried to trade each player for something that would pretty much be able to do the same job in their place.
Jacque Jones - 2 pieces of the hard gum that comes in a pack of baseball cards (already chewed)
Jeff Kent - 2 cases of Skoal and a camouflage poncho
Brett Myers - 1 cardboard cutout of Larry the Cable Guy
Neifi Perez - 1 wiffle ball bat (broken)
Kerry Wood - 3 cases of antacid
Jason Marquis - 1 Tee-Ball tee
Prince Fielder - 350 lbs. of sausage (uncooked and not in link form)
Ozzy Guillen - 1 space heater, 3 fart bombs, 1 fan
Carlos Marmol - 1 Ark of the Covenant (opened)
Any others?
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