Wrigleyville Bar Project: Casey Moran's

With the name Saloon included in our moniker, one could surmise that we here at TMS like to drinky drinky. One that would make such an assumption would be correct, thereby throwing out the whole, 'when you assume you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me' bullshit. We're here to profile some of the local watering holes around Wrigley, so that you aren't the poor sap who gets dragged into going to the Cubby Bear before the game, wherein you are soon left wondering how your life spiraled out of control so quickly. Tommy Buzanis has pledged to help out with this column, as he is no stranger to the bottle, but you can rest assured that those promises are as empty as his shot glass. So here it is, another sporadically timed, mildly entertaining column that you can only find here at the TMS. Actually you can probably find lots of info on Wrigley bars in a much more concise and helpful format, but that's neither here nor there.

Today's Bar: Casey Moran's, 3660 N Clark St.

Website: http://www.kincadesbar.com/morans/home.asp

Douchebag Factor (1-10, with 10 being this guy): 8

Who You'll See Here: Casey Moran’s seems to cater to suburbanites and out-of-towners who want to get a feel for what the nightlife in Wrigleyville is “really about.” It’s right across the street from the park so it gets pretty packed on game days before and after games. It’s also an Ohio State bar so expect a sea of red, white, and people wearing multiple polos that can’t actually recite the words to our nation’s anthem but know when to start screaming before it’s over.

What to order: The $1 burgers on Thursday nights are a good deal. Other than that it’s pretty standard bar food that you can find almost anywhere.

If you were to see a celebrity here, it would be: Sean William Scott, Ashton Kutcher, and Phillip Mitchell. Together.

Summary: A lot of bars around Wrigley have a distinctive feel to them. I wouldn’t go as far to say they have themes but they all bring something unique to the table. Casey Morans is the regurgitated flavor of all these places lumped together with nothing they can brand as their own.

Here’s a quick run down of what you can expect with a visit. First of all it’s an Irish bar with a modern twist complete with tons of HDTVs mounted on every surface imaginable. The staff is much more attractive than you and if you manage to get their attention they’ll serve you and your friends a round of $6 bottles of Old Style. If you manage to secure a table you can order some typical bar food but nothing that you’ll remember. That is, until you have to go to the bathroom which means a trip down some stairs and through a long mirror-covered hallway where you’ll have to do the typical “thanks for the paper towel from the dispenser just to the left and no I wouldn’t like any mints” dance with the attendant. The bar is actually pretty big but is usually packed and people regularly rent out the front room which only makes the crowd worse. There’s also a small dance floor where you can usually hear a DJ trying to remix some Journey. The one redeeming value is the busboys. Those guys clean and wipe down the tables like you wouldn’t believe.

Thunder Matt Rating: 5 empty Old Style cans out of a 12 pack. It would have been 3 but damn those busboys are good.