The Gist

Break out the Busch heavy, put on your camo tees and crank up the Toby Keith, the Astros are in town!

Currently my most-loathed team in the NL Central, Houston kicked off the series with a 4-3 win over the Cubs. Chris Sampson continued to baffle the Cub bats until the seventh inning when Ramirez and the F-Bomb finally scored on a single from Soto. Unfortunately a couple errors and goofy bounces in the eighth cost us and Houston was able to pull ahead 4-2. Workingman hero Mark DeRosa tried to rally the team in the ninth with a solo homer off Jose Valverde, but it wasn't enough.

Now, here come the bullet points.

• Honestly, Rich Hill didn't pitch bad at all. Take away the 2-out homer by J.R. Towles and he was pretty sharp. Unfortunately Hill seems to still be plagued with Kerry Wood Syndrome*

• The F-Bomb has been brilliant at the plate thus far. Through 4 games he's batting .500. DeRosa's .333 is second followed by Lee and The Riot's .222 average.

• Reed Johnson is batting 1.000. Quit while you're ahead man.

• Michael Bourn in the field. Holy Shit! That guy is like a giant net in centerfield.

• Speaking of Michael Bourn, it's good to see Cecil Cooper and the Astros bringing some color to the team. The amount of country music and camouflage clothing has decreased slightly this season.

• In case you forgot, Kaz Matsui is out with anal fissures.

• Good news, we're facing Roy Oswalt today, who the Cubs have generally hit well against. Bad news, the Astros are facing Jason Marquis, who EVERYONE generally hits well against.

• Damn you Houston for waiving Woody Williams, thus denying us the ugliest ginger battery in baseball of Woody and J.R. Towles.

• If you read this far, I can assume you really enjoy baseball. Why else would you endure my retarded third grade writing? If so, go check out our spinoff site Steve Finley Was Here. You can read some more baseball talk that's of greater quality, and by greater quality I mean slightly less retarded fifth grade writing.

That's it for now. Rockies in 6!

*Kerry Wood Syndrome infects at least one Cubs starter each season. Despite pitching well on a regular basis, the infected pitcher constantly lacks any run support from his offense.