SWEEP!!!

The Cubs completed a dramatic sweep of the floundering Houston Astros over the weekend.

It was the first time the Cubs had swept the Astros at home since...

...wait for it...

1984!

So turn back the clock and throw your copy of Purple Rain in the cassette player. The fellow bartenders and I have compiled a list of the most important things in American history that have happened since the last time the Cubs swept Houston at Wrigley:

Sammy Sosa struck out 5,496,872 times
Corey Patterson and Neifi Perez have combined to get on base 7 times
Jimmy Fallon made 7 awful movies
Frankie Muniz is born
Telly Savalas dies
The Challenger explodes
Ken Caminiti plays professional baseball, wins an MVP, does steroids and cocaine, dies
Communism fell
4 new baseball franchises were formed
The XFL happened
Saddam Hussein killed 3,000 Americans on 9/11
Bonds hit all of his homeruns
Ron Santo still hasn't made it into the Hall
Al Gore invented the internet
Cop Rock happened
New Coke happened
Abe Vigoda is still alive
Michael Jackson touched little boys

Chip has also supplied the Cubs starting 9 from the fateful day in '84 when the sweep was completed:

1. Bob Dernier CF
2. Ryne Sandberg 2B
3. Gary Matthews LF
4. Leon Durham 1B
5. Mel Hall RF
6. Ron Cey 3B
7. Jody Davis C
8. Larry Bowa SS
9. Rich Bordi P

Wow...so the Cubs sweep the Astros, and what do we get for it?

Jason Kendall.

WTF?

I hope he doesn't hurt himself dragging that .226 average to the plate with him.

Adios, Rob Bowen. You will be missed. Not.