A Message From Our HR Department

Hello. As some of you may have noticed our list of Bartenders has shrunk a bit. Chi-Town Girl, Martin Gramatica, and Tommy Buzanis, who have written a combined total of 4 posts, are no longer listed. Technically they're still members of the TMS staff but are currently considered defunct. They are still very capable of posting, but I wouldn't hold my breath for any of them, especially Buzanis who never even completed his W-2 for me.

So as we clean out the deadweight, I'm happy to announce we're adding some new blood to the place.

First I'd like to introduce Nick (aka The Hundley). For those that actually read our steamy pile of garbage we call a blog, last week you may have caught Nick's entry for our War Heroes feature. Nick is also the main writer at The Blog of Eternal Stench, as well as an occasional writer for The Big Lead, where he provides UFC/MMA coverage.

The second new writer is Ken (aka Dave Thomas). Ken has written on his own personal blogs The Minutes and more recently The Three Seashells.

Both are diehard Cubs fans and should be solid additions to the Saloon. Like all newbies to TMS, in order for you, the reader to get to know them better, we had them fill out our infamous "Meet the Saloon Staff" questionnaire.


THE HUNDLEY

Real Name: Nick

Where are you from? Davenport, IA (the fightin' west side)

Where are you now? Davenport, IA (moved up to the top of the hill)

Favorite Baseball Team: The Cub, The QC River Bandit (A)

Favorite Current Player(s): The Cub team, Jeter, Vlad

Favorite All-Time Player(s): Dawson, Grace, Vance Law, Dale Murphy

First MLB game you attended: 1981 - White Sox v Red Sox, I don't recall anything. 1st one I remember was 1984 when Chicago had Bowa, The Sarge, and Jody

Any memorable encounters with MLB players? I got an autograph and saw Mike Boddicker do a picthing clinic in the basement of the Cedar Rapids Public Library. The college catcher couldn't handle his curve and the wall got all dented up.

Which player(s) would you love to sit and have a beer with? Mark Grace, The Hundley, Sutcliffe, Nick Swisher

Which player(s) would you like to punch in the face? Bonds, anyone on the Red Sox, Bonds, Tony La Russa, Bonds.

Which player(s) would you like to punch you in the face? Getting punched in the face f-ing sucks. So probably Jim Abbott's "bad" hand or Doug Glanville

What's better for baseball, the moustache or the big-league mullet? So, Dutch Daulton or Kevin Foster? I'll side with the moustache. The womb broom is never out of style. Just ask Jeff Kent.

What 80's hair metal band do you most relate to? Spinal Tap, because I never leave home without an armadillo in my trousers.

What's your favorite beer? For smoking and drinking: Old Styzz. For my refined palette: Goose Island IPA on tap or some local brews at Bent River Brewing because I'm such a snob.

What's the capital of Bolivia? La Paz. I can name all of South America's capitals from a cheesy song I learned in Spanish class.

What's the most valuable baseball card you own? A Sandy Koufax card that says he struck out 15 in the WS. I also have about 6 of the Mark Grace "Rated Rookie" cards.

If your daily life had game commentary, who would you want as your play-by-play and color guy? Stoney and Harry for the english version, and the guy that says, "Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-l" that the spanish audience could access by utilizing the SAP button on the remote.

What would you rather see, Kyle Farnsworth in a barfight, a cockfight, or a hobo fight? Hobo fight? None of the above. I'll take that diamond brawl with Paul Wilson any day.

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DAVE THOMAS

Real Name: Ken

Where are you from? I'm originally from Northbrook, IL which was home to Ferris Bueller and is the illustrious speed-skating capital of the world.

Where are you now? Up until May I lived at the corner of Waveland and Sheffield but have since moved a few blocks away from Wrigley Field.

Favorite Baseball Team: The Chicago Cubs

Favorite Current Player(s): My favorite active player is the prodigal son himself: Greg Maddux. The guy looks like he should be anywhere but throwing on a mound but he's been able to do things with a baseball that stifle the imagination. It's a simple formula: throw strikes and keep them down. Plus he still rides his bike to work and pees on the rookies in the shower. I'm also a big fan of Ken Griffey Jr. For someone who has bones made of glass he has the best looking swing in baseball and is still putting up great numbers and has never once been the center of controversy. My favorite up-and-coming guy is Ryan Theriot who seems to really appreciate the gifts he's been given and puts forth more effort than most veterans, even if the game is a lost cause. I'll always root for a guy like that.

Favorite All-Time Player(s): For me it begins and ends with Mark Grace. The man who totaled the most hits in the 90's was trampled on by the front office and adored by the fans. He coined the term "slump buster" and once had to bat with a load in his pants after trying to rip a little ass for the guys reaching first base. He even came in to pitch for the Diamondbacks during a 19-1 blow out to the Dodgers and almost escaped with a perfect ERA until he came out of the "Fetters" stance and gave up David Ross' first career home run. I was fortunate enough to witness his last game at Wrigley and I would put him up against anyone if you needed a clutch hit in the late innings.

First MLB game you attended: I can't remember the exact game but my dad has always been a White Sox fan and took me to Comiskey Park a lot when I was younger. I remember seeing Jack McDowell, Frank Thomas, and Bo Jackson play for the south-siders. It wasn't until I was a bit older that my allegiance turned decidedly northward.

Any memorable encounters with MLB players? Living about 500 feet from the bleacher entrance to Wrigley I was fortunate enough to routinely see some of the players jog/drive to work. Dempster and Rich Hill would always run right down Sheffield. I also managed a trip out to spring training where just about everyone is accessible.

Which player(s) would you love to sit and have a beer with? I'm going to limit my answer to players who are alive because there are too many guys ( i.e. Jackie Robinson, Ruth, Williams) where a chance to pick their brains would be absolutely priceless. This list could go on and on but my first choice would have to be Grace just because I'm pretty sure I would hear some of the best stories imaginable and possibly even become involved in one.

Which player(s) would you like to punch in the face? This is easy. I would love to get a shot at Bonds. There's no way I'd miss that melon of his and if I could get a chance to wipe a little bit of that smug smile off his face I would cherish it. I would also like to take a swing at Alex Gonzales circa 2003 followed up with a hearty "thanks for nothing." Finally who wouldn't like to pull a Barrett and slug Pierzynski? On my list of hated opponents, he's right behind John Starks and Bill Lambeer.

Which player(s) would you like to punch you in the face? This was a bit harder to answer. I guess I would let them hit me right back since it wouldn't change my thinking at all. Plus I'm not worried about getting slapped by A.J.

What's better for baseball, the moustache or the big-league mullet? I would like to answer this with one word: Shooter.

What 80's hair metal band do you most relate to? This one came down to Europe with their vastly under appreciated 'Final Countdown' and Journey. I have to give the nod to Steve Perry and the gang. 'Separate Ways' and of course, 'Don't Stop Believin' are outstanding. Also, the 'Separate Ways' music video is one of the best worst videos ever. The woman strutting to nowhere along the docks with the Brigitte Nielson hair and the invisible instruments are classic.

What's your favorite beer? Guinness. It's Irish for genius.

What's the capital of Bolivia? The capital of Jabooty is Jabooty.

What's the most valuable baseball card you own? I don't have the recent edition of Beckett handy but I've got two Henry Aaron's that are about to take a hit thanks to Mr. Bonds. I think one of my most meaningful cards is probably my 1983 Fleer Sandberg Rookie which probably isn't worth much money but it's still quite valuable to me.

If your daily life had game commentary, who would you want as your play-by-play and color guy? This may sound expected and as if I'm pandering to the crowd but I wouldn't have it any other way than Pat and Ron. Harry and Steve is awfully tempting since Steve could tell me what I was about to do in any given situation before I did it but I think I would have way too much fun with something as simple as eating a bag of Skittles with Pat and Ron. Pat would ask Ron what his favorite color was and Ron would laugh and tell Patrick that he likes all the colors but his grandson likes the red ones the most and always saves those for last. Then Pat could tell me how many metric tonnes of Skittles I've eaten in my whole life.

What would you rather see, Kyle Farnsworth in a barfight, a cockfight, or a hobo fight? I would really like to see Farnsworth clear out a bunch of popped-collars from any of the places around Wrigley. If I had a burrito in-hand that would be a pretty good day.

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Please welcome the new guys to the staff, and stay tuned as we'll likely announce another new bartender in the near future.