Gracies and Neifis: Week Four

It's days like this, that I'm quite content with my 5 minute commute to work. There are unconfirmed reports that a man was fleeing the crash. Witnesses described him as an extremely tan, stocky, shirtless gentleman, who appeared to be holding a glass of Bacardi and cola. We can only surmise that Buzanis was riding shotgun in that truck, as he's well-known for his penchant for hitchhiking.

First off, my apologies for not bringing you a Week 3 G&N. As I mentioned before, I was exiled to Sioux City for most of the week and couldn't get to it. And from all the emails I got, it seems everyone is clamoring for it..... OK so it's not so much clamoring as it is a dull roar. Oh who am I kidding, most of you probably don't even remember the first two installments of this feature let alone know that we even have an email address.

Week Four (4/23 - 4/29)

THE GRACIES - The cream of the crop this past week

Magglio Ordonez (Det - OF) - Magglio's big week included a three day tear where he went 9 for 11 with 6 runs and 7 RBI.

Jimmy Rollins (Phi - SS) - It's only been a month, but to see Rollins with more homers than steals is a bit of surprise. Jimmy added three more to his NL leading nine.

Alex Gonzalez (Cin - SS) - For those that are still confused, this is not the Alex Gonzalez that helped us lose the 2003 pennant. This is the one that played for the team that beat us. Apparently Kip Wells was serving up grapefruit to the Reds on Tuesday, as Alex took him yard two different times. In retrospect, Alex has hit 14 homers in that last two seasons combined.

Chase Utley (Phi - 2B) - 12 for 27, 2 homers, 10 RBI. Chase is doing exactly what every fantasy manager that drafted him in the first round was hoping for.

Vernon Wells (Tor - OF) - Like Maggs, Vernon had a nice three-game tear, going 9 for 12 with 8 runs and 3 steals. Wells finished the week with his AVG .055 higher than at the start.

John Maine (NYM - SP) - The Mets rotation, save for Mike Pelfrey, has been fairly reliable this season, and John Maine has been a bright spot. Maine allowed just one run and struck out 13 in two starts this last week, finishing the month with a stellar 4-0 record and 1.35 ERA.

Dan Haren (Oak - SP) - Thank God this guy isn't with St. Louis any more. With Harden still battling injury, Haren has taken a firm hold as Oakland's staff ace. Haren struck out 12 and walked just one this week, winning two starts against Tampa Bay and Baltimore.

Jarrod Washburn (Sea - SP) - Once upon a time, Jarrod was an effective starter for the Angels, winning 18 games in 2002. Now he seems to be finding new life in Seattle. Washburn picked up his first win of the season on Wednesday, throwing a complete game shutout against the A's.


THE NEIFIS - Desperately in need of a Slumpbuster

Bill Hall (Mil - CF) - It was a rough week in Chicago and Houston. Hall only managed 2 hits in 22 at bats and struck out 10 times.

Kevin Kouzmanoff (SD - 3B) - 2 for 22 this week to drop his season AVG to .119. Yeesh, even Sean Burroughs wasn't this bad. Sadly Geoff Blum or Oscar Robles would hardly be considered an improvement.

Freddy Sanchez (Pit - 2B) - A 1 for 19 week to drop his AVG to .206. Just what you expect from the reigning batting champ.

Eric Byrnes (Ari - OF) - Eric was a Gracie in week one, but now finds himself on the other end of the spectrum. Eric struggled against the Padres and Giants, managing only 1 hit in 17 at bats.

Jay Gibbons (Bal - OF) - Nevermind the lack of hitting from Jay (1 for 16 this week). I'm just amazed the son of a bitch hasn't landed on the DL yet.

Bob Wickman (Atl - RP) - Honestly, I'm gonna be hard-pressed to ever give a closer a Gracie. But in classic "point and laugh" fashion, I'll make them a Neifi. Wickman blew two saves this week and nearly lost the game for Atlanta on Friday before they yanked him. I guess that's why they went out and got Mike Gonzalez and Rafael Soriano.

Trevor Hoffman (SD - RP) - To be fair, he did convert 2 saves this past week (Only 13 away from 500). Unfortunately for 'the Hoff', he got rocked two different times between them, blowing a save against the D-Backs as well as the Dodgers.

Kip Wells (StL - SP) - As mentioned earlier, he gave up not one, but two homers to Alex Gonzalez. If that's not worthy of a Neifi I don't know what is.